Wednesday, November 18, 2009

5 years and 10 months old!

It is a pleasent day for work,stroll,drive and much more.For me it is pleasant day to write my mind away.For a long time now,I have been thinking for a while to write about things that will help others and me.
I wrote about money saving,dealing with ex's and about woman safety.So today is a day I talk about

Understanding your 6 year old child



I a 5 year old who is going to be 6 years in another 2 months and there are so many changes that I have noticed in him.Firstly he is growing fast and his mind is not able to cope with things that he is getting to know.Let me give you an example.

1.Recently he asked my mother about her mother.He wanted to know why great grandmother she still alive? valid question.We have always told him and also he read books that say old people die.So his mind was wandering in that frame.My mother and I did not freak out,we had a good laugh and then went on to explain to him."Aku,It is true that every living thing has to perish one day.However,there is no specified time and place for it".So,instead of waiting for her to die,now when she does he will know that her time has come and everyone has to deal with it.

2.Dad was home one day and Aku was tired of seeing the same grandfather.So,he asked my mother to put on her shoes.He wanted to go to the market and exchange my father for a new one!Boy o boy,my mother could have never been happy :P.My dad though was disappointed and wanted to know why his dear grandson was all set to exchange him.Aku's logic was correct,if dad gets a soap from the market and does not like it or it is damage,he goes to the shop and gets a refund or a new one.Aku accompanies dad in most of these trips.that is where he got the idea of "grandad exchange" from!So,this is what I told him. "aku,you can exchange anything you want in life.However sometimes things that are precious like your grandad cannot be exchanged.So,if you have something that you do not like in your grandad,tell him and I am sure he wil change it for you and he can then stay with you and grandma".He thought for a while and then decided he will let my dad live in the house for a while and help him change his bad habits.
*one bad habit - never brings more than 10 chocolates and aku wants more then 100!

3."grandma,when you grow old,who will take care of you"?.mom told him that "my daughter and son-in-law will".aku had a plan,he told mom that when she and dad get old.he will drop them in the creche,just the way we did when aku was young.he will provide them with a lunch box and diaper and toys and will pick them up when he gets back from office.Well we could not argue with that.Kids learn from what they see and this is what he is planning for me and vinod too!

These are the best years of his life and I am glad to be a part of it.It is surprising that more than him,I am the one who is learning new things about life.I am also able to see life through the eyes of a 5 year old and trust me it is beautiful!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

It does not heal!

Sethu Vijay Tanikella - Sept 15th 1977 - Oct 15th 2004

He would have turned 32 today,I would have been maybe in Bangalore and would have been anxiously waiting to call and wish hi.Say happy birthday Vijay and love you.I still do,the only difference is that i cannot hear his voice.But,I am sure i can feel his presence.

It has been 5 years since he gave up on his brat sister and took a journey upwards to heaven.I thought the pain would heal with time.But,it does not seem to go away.I now know that the next time i meet someone who lost their loved once never to say "time will heal".

Remember Vijay the day Tinku and you got caught jumping the wall and that too caught by dogs and bites on that butt :).Remember the days when we used to go by rickshaw.you used to get down,make me sit in the rickshaw then pull it up from the end."It felt like see-saw" i said.I still remember the day you got pissed off cause you got to know that I had a crush on that air force office.Oh you made such a hue and dry about it.You refused to let me talk to him or let him come home.That is the day i felt happy,happy cause I knew my brother would always make sure that I get the best and make me learn what is good and what is bad.I just cannot fathom why you left me so early.

We had no time to say goodbye,we had no time to talk about future,we had no time to sit and drink beer and you taking me out on an all paid shopping trip.The day after you left us,i opened your cupboard to find that rakhi i tied,the one which smelt of sandalwood :).I looked through anything and everything that still smelt of you.I yelled when amma gave your trousers and shirts to pavan.I yelled at my self for not being an attentive sister,I yelled at myself for not being able to reach you when you needed me the most.I yelled at myself to discover that you had a life of your own and I did not even bother to care and ask you how it is going on the personal front..

I want you back,I want you back with that stupid towel around you and walking around the whole house in it.I want you so that we could fight and kick each other.I want you to say "deepthi,I am here".I want you to scream at me and yell at me when I do things wrong.I want you to just call and say "just checking".I am selfish and i want you just for the selfish purpose.

Come back love,come back in dreams today,come back as breeze and hug me tight,come back as the harsh sun,come back as the gentle rain,come back as my son,just come back :(

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

ODE to ONE

Yesterday was one of the toughest days for my mind.It went through a lot in the span of 3 and a half hours.It thought about women who are survivors,women who are fighters,women who die and women who live.It came to a conclusion,I am not sure if it did as yet.However It did say it did.

I was talking to a few women about BREAST CANCER,I was listening to them and the only thought I had was "do i understand"?.I know people who are suffering from it.They have been great influence on me.However, do I really understand what they are going through? then i heard the script written by Viju and that moved me somewhere.It was so beautifully written that anyone can understand on how to support them.That is when i realised that you need not be in their shoes to get to know the effects of CANCER.All you got to do is as Viju said "be on their side".I wanted to write something for all,for every women who fights the battle.Here it is....

ODE to ONE

I was a child,the perfect one.
my hands were pretty and my feet perfect.

I was a girl,the angelic one.
my smile was innocent and my face was delightful.

I was a woman,the charming one.
my body was voluptuous and my bosom was a gifted.

It was a day when i met my fate,
she walked in and whispered with arrogance on her face.

I shuddered,I feared,I died within,
I could not give her what is mine,what is rightfully mine.

She did not wait for answers,she already had the knife,
She cut it not gently,but with passion of a deadly beast.

I cried,I hurt myself,I ventured alone,
I walked the streets of pain and looked for answers in vain.

I saw her sitting on my doorstep when I returned,
I asked her kindly to come inside.

She sat there for a while and looked at me in Silence,
I recognised her as the girl,the one I was.

I asked her why deary you so sad,
she said " i never promised you,you would be imperfect"

Now all you do is cry and say you are imperfect.
Your body is a gift from me to you,treat it like one and love it forever.

No one wrote that one is not good,
the numbers we say out starts from ONE!

ONE is the best and ONE is a boom,
One begins the world and One ends the world.

One rules the heavens and One rules the earth,
One is a gift to cherish till eternity.

I am a woman,the charming one,
My body is voluptuous and my bosom is ONE!

Monday, September 14, 2009

When i think i can(nnot) !

I have never been a person who stayed at home for longer.I thought that I was made to travel the world and see things and do things.Even when i was 8 years old,I walked all the way to ratnadeep in my area and asked them if they needed an entertainer( the owner promptly called my parents and i was whisked back home.)

So today after 30 years and 6 months i am back to square one and staying at home.I tried my hand in various things,from being a call center agent,to a trainer to a business analyst to a writer to a theatre artist and an assistant director.I even tried my hand at hosting a talk show(the producer cut that show and put it in the cupboard)

Now I am a home maker,I sit and home and think what did my gran or my aunts do at home?.I mean my granny sat at home for about 84 years.She never once ventured out on her own and she is still at home.She is quite content with that lifestyle and here I am getting bored out of my mind.I want to do many things,create stories and whip up some great plays or movies.I want to start a Anadanam project and give free food to anyone everyday.I want to write a book in Telugu and also one in English.I want to make movies like Jandhyala and write like Tikkana or our very own Pothana or Gurujada.

The thing I realised is that I am a bit of a Procrastination freak.I keep thinking what should happen today can take a break and happen tomorrow.Is that now plain rubbish?

I know of a lady who worked for my mom,i used to tell her to get rid of her mundane job of working in houses as a maid and start something on her own.Boy she did! she now owns a small vegetable cart and also a shed near my home and tells me" amma thanks to you,i have this". I tell her it is her hard work.

Why am I blogging this to tell myself that "lazy ass get up and get things moving".You need not earn a lot now,however you will be satisfied and make yourself happy!

Friday, August 21, 2009

Iyer Wedding




A Week more for the Wedding aka Kalyanam.I wanted to know about all the scared rituals that take place on the D-Day.This is the first Tamil Iyer wedding for my Telugu Brahmin side,hence the adventure is less discovered.I spoke to my MIL and found out the meaning of few rituals.Here are few or more or less the ones that we follow.

Tamil Iyer Wedding

Wedding in earlier days used ot go on for 5 to 10 days,thankfully the process right now is compacted into 2 days.The Groom wears something called a Vesthi and a Kurta or a silk shirt.The Bride wear the traditional Madisaar also known as the nine yard saree.

Vrutham - The wedding starts with this,we offer prayers to our ancestors and God early in the morning and seek their blessings for the ceremonies ahead.

Maapillai Azhaippu - Music,Nadaswaram and Dancing are and integral part of the ceremony.The Brides family welcomes the Groom and his family into the wedding Mandapam ( for us it is a wee diff,as V is from Coimbatore,we will get the welcome).This Ritual used to take place earlier to let the village know who exactly the Groom and Bride are.


Nischayathartham
- Engagement Ceremony,Mantras are chanted by the Hindu Priest,They read out the detals Of the Bride and the Groom,such as Fathers and Grandfathers name,the Village that their Forefather belonged to,their family Gothra.Then they read out the wedding Muhurtham's Date and time.Once everyone is ok and agrees to the wedding the Thamboolam is exchanged along with the rings and the bride and the groom are officially engaged.

Muhurtham (Main wedding) - It is the on the 2nd day,the time is typically between 7 am to 9.30 am or can go up to 11 am.

Kaasi Yatra - An age old ceremony where the Groom decides to take sanyasam (monk hood) for his spiritual journey.He is convinced by the Bride's brother and father to give up sanyasam and take up "grahastham"(family life).The Brides brother will take away the umbrella,the wooden slippers and the kamandalam or the jug with water from his hand give him a set of new clothes and leather footwear and take him to his sister,the bride.

This Ritual will complete when the groom's side carrying the groom and the bride's side carrying the bride on shoulders.Th bride and the groom exchange garlands and proceed to the Swing(Oonjal).The Womenfolk will perform rituals and sing songs to word away any evil eye,while swinging the oonjal.

This is proceeded to the Mandapam,where at teh end the Bride sits on her Father lap and Kanigadhnam takes place.Where the Bride's father offers her hand to the groom.The Groom then ties the Mangalasutram around the brides neck and the elders shower their blessing to the auspicious muhurtham and the ceremony.

Nalangu - This used to take place in olden days as the groom and the bride were young and mostly in teenage and is conducted for entertainment.It is a very integral part of the wedding.

Gruhapravesham - This ceremony is the next day when the Bride is welcomed into the Grooms home.She will lit the Traditional Lamp and become a part of the Grooms Family.

I am looking Forward to enjoy all of the above ceremonies to my Hearts content and Live with the Craze V and the Crazier and Loving Families.





Onjal Seva -

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Money,money,money, is not so FUNNY!


* Pic Courtsey Google

It takes a lot to be firm and say to yourself that you will lead a life that is free from the bonds of MONEY.If you listened to my mother and taken her advice,you would be a millionaire by now i.e,if you started saving by 23 and now 30 year old millionaire would have been me.As always i did not take her advice and clearly in no position to advice on MONEY matter.However,it is true that as you grow old,you do become wiser and clear and smart in terms of life,which includes money and economy.

Here are a few points for myself,as I start a new life as a wife soon and also to who ever reads it no matter what age you are at.Life becomes simple to live.Agree that money plays an important part in all our lives.It is not just a necessity,but a major need.This is what I intend to do over the next 2 years.



1.Kill the debt - no matter how much you want to save,it will all go nowhere if you have a debt.So first calculate who much you owe or how much you spend on your debts.We all love that big fat bag or the i love the sofa set in home town.However i am going to wait till i clear my debts to buy any new furniture in the house or even buy a new perfume.If your debt is for a bank loan(home,car,personal) and it is for 1 or 2 years,please forgo the dream sofa.There will be better sofas in market soon and you will love them more than the present one.

Mantra - I will not buy anything that I not necessary till I clear all my debts.

2.Save at least 1000 per month - You have a Bank account where the salary goes right?Now take 1000 out on the 2nd of every month.Put in in another bank,like a recurring deposit.That way in a year you will have enough money.

This is how it works - if you deposit Rs.1000 at the rate of 7% interest for 24 months,you will get back an amount of Rs.25,681.So you have invested.

I believe that recurring is a way for you to just close your eyes and let the bank take the money.At the end of 2 years you will have some saving and you can buy yourself what ever you want or put it bank in the bank.

Mantra - I will save Rs.1000 per month for the next 2 years or more if I can(even if it less then 1000,save,save, save)

3.Cut the Card - If you know how to use a CC then use it otherwise just cut it,Why do you want to pay someone else for the things that you have purchased.(Listen to yourself laugh now).But,trust me and just cut the card.Or make sure you never swipe for more than Rs.1000 per month and make sure you pay that back at the beginning of the month.

Mantra - I will not use the card.period.

4.Expense Sheet - As a kid I used to watch my mothers friend write down every expense at the end of the day.I thought she was a miser,It is just recently, that I realised ,she is in a much better position that anyone and never been a miser.She was the first to buy me the best gifts and chocolates and also fancy her every whim and need.So start a budget sheet and write down what you spend every day.DO IT NOW.

5.It is very easy to read all this and say "YAY I Am GOING TO SAVE".However,make sure you do it at least for 6 months.See if it worked for you.Money is not everything.but when did it hurt to save for a rainy day or even to give yourself that gift or to see a smile when you take you family out for a vacation.please save every month and trust me you will be at peace.

Much love from the "To BE Wife and HOMEMAKER/BAKER/WRITER/CREATIVE GENIUS" :P

Sunday, August 16, 2009

One Family to Another

I am sitting in our hall writing this blog post and V is playing what he calls soothing Music!(Progressive house).That too him is smoothing and living with him for 6 months i am kinda getting used to the idea of listening to this.

We share the space with a newly bought Lamp(red color),a couch and a diwan.I love the feeling of home.When I used to visit my friends house over weekends( this was long before I met V),I was tempted to ask her to find me a guy who was opposite to me and lived with me and my ranting.She could not find me a guy,However she did find me a room in her house that was called mine.

The reason for this blog is vary personal,I grew up in a neighborhood,which is crowded with my joint family.not that I mind it.However,sometimes when all you want is to just stare at space and just listen to classic rock. That in my case was very hard.If i was singing aloud my pinni or atha would walk in and ask me if i was loosing it.See for them sitting alone was never done.Even when i am in the loo,i get asked random things like "D,where is that yellow plate or that green dabba filled with bindis".

So I yearned for that personal or private space all my life.Then I moved to other city and i loved the initial days of no one to bother me around.sitting Lazy on a Sunday afternoon,sipping beer and listening to music and reading a book. I did enjoy the phase of no one asking me what I was doing or what I was thinking.However i did miss the chitter chatter of my pinnis,random advice by my mamaya's and also my sweet ammama's pulihora.So I got back o a city close by and started travelling home on weekends.

Now that I am back here for good,I am also going to be a part of another Family soon.i am getting Married in 15 days from today.i will miss the Tanikella and Chilukuri clan and their nuisances.However the god part is that Chandramouli clan is much louder and mixing them my clan is going to be a Party for Life and yes a few adjustment here and there never bothered anyone.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Freedom,It is a sweet and sour recipe for life!


*photo courtesy - google

When the time is right and the right place is chosen,I somehow end up in another place and at the wrong time.I wondered if it could be a case of absent mind or even a case of time travel.Then it hit me, I never want to be in the right time at the right place.I want to be at any place i want at any time of the day or night.

That is how it has been for a few years now,millions of opportunities came into the door.they knocked and said "deepthi,it is time for you to join us and be happy and successful".I said "yes,yes i am eager to please you".did manage to please them for a bit,then thought "what the f**k I am i doing here",ran for life.Happy that I ran away from the bonds of "I want your ideas,however I want them to be matched with mine".

In the office when i used to work in corporate land,projects were taken and then my manager would walk up to me and say "here is the project,these are the rules,these are the statistic"."what you have to do is work as free as you can,however do not cross the line". err,sorry,then what does "free" mean?.Is it not something that you can do on your own without rules and regulations?.


Then I ventured into films,my first film was great.The director went through the same emotions as I did and said "you guys,listen to me,do whatever yo feel like,want to change the script do it".but,make sure we all agree and have fun.It worked,the team was constantly motivated,new ideas were absorbed and if they were not then no problem,cause other ideas were as fresh as mine.

My second film was lie working in a slave driven rut.No one questioned the authority or the first AD.She was there to do whatever she felt and we all knew that she was messing up.However,we did try and make our point,but those were never taken to the director and I realised that I was the only one who was having a problem with this attitude.The rest seem to go with the flow.that is when i realised that it is dam tough to find like minded people to work with.

That is when I wrote a play,directed it and voila,everything fell in place.From the actors to the sponsors to the stage.See,my theory worked,like minded bring in a great rapport and you never feel like you working alone.

Then I said yes to another movie,now here me and the person who the idea belonged to got along like house on fire.At the end,however he had to get his people who started to add their 2 cents to the story and messed it up.I knew that the director was in favor to the friend and could not mess it up for them.So,I slowly moved aside and hope they understood and let the friend take the credit.

I know that it is tough and a torrid job to do what you want.But,it makes you happy and content and that smile that you smile for yourself is just amazing.I want to be that person.you might want to call me selfish,self absorbed and all that jazz.I am happy that i am myself and I know that those people like me are somewhere around to make a movie that breaks all barriers and frontiers and makes you laugh till your tummy tickles.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

The Case Study of Ex's

Out of all the relationships that I have been,there was, were three guys with no ex - girlfriend and mind you one was my first and the other was my second and the other was hmm my fourth.So, then I started dating guys who were from my league,the ones who had ex girlfriends.

So there are many times that those ex's pissed me off,but the weird part and the best was one turned out to be a darling and i am best friends with her and the present GF of one of y ex's is a person i know as in an acquaintance and I respect her and the fact that we talk. Confusing it is to me too.

Here I am today engaged to my darling and ready to walk the path of marriage.The question till recent in debate was whether it is good for you to be friends with your ex's? Well here is what it is....

1.ex's were once close to you and they know much more about the past you than the present you.

2. they might have screwed up the past,everyone does. If he is your EX than you must have screwed it up a little to. To be his ex.

3.it is uneasy for the ex and the present to meet. However, you have a good chance of laughing over good times.

4. When the ex is in a relationship,please be happy and let that person know that you are happy for him.

5. I learnt how to write scripts from one and it is the a great feeling,one introduced me to FLOYD!,one got me into six sigma and the other thought me to laugh at life and chill.

6.When your husband,boyfriend is pissed off with the ex,it is for you to tell him to forget it and move on.casue mistakes happen and they suck. but, hey, be a man and suck it up or scream.At the end of the day leave the grudge and eat a fudge :P

7. My point simple, If it was not for the ex,you would not have met the present and look what an amazing thing that is.

8.ex's can turn out to best buddies and they hear you and you hear them.

9. when you look at them with thier present partners, you know what crap they are in for and you can feel happy that you left that all or reverse.

10. Let us accept the fact that what was not meant to be was not meant to be.

11. If the ex is a bastard or a bitch.Hey you in a better place thanks to that B&B

12. Everyone is entitled to rant out and this is the best way I could :)

Monday, June 15, 2009

LIVE AND LET LIVE

How freaking insensitive can people get.
A Minor girl was raped, this was at her tuition.
Minor kids blood is being sold in black market.
A housemaid was raped by an actor and he quotes" lust is bigger than an actor",
A girls hand is dipped in hot oil,the reason " I wanted to test if she was telling the truth,if she was, her hand would not have burned".that is what the accused said.Oh by the way he is on the run.

I am sure we all know that this is half a percent of what is happening around the world today.Is it sheer disgust to belong to human race anymore?. I thought we are people who feel and all that jazz.

I cannot seem to push this thought away for a while now. No matter what I do,these senseless,ruthless, idiotic,brutes are coming back to my mind. I wish we had to power to burn them by pouring tiny drops of acid and leave them till they suffer and scream. i would love to scream and tell them then, that this is how exactly the little ones must have felt.

Please for Kids sake,leave them alone. Let them grow up and let them enjoy the life they have. Who the fuck gave you the right to interfere in their life? Do you even know that they lived happily before without your bloody presence. The maid had no clue that you were around watching her every move. the little one at the tuitions had no idea that you were lusting for her body than her mind full of life ahead. that baby did not know that the prick was not an injection but a uncouth vampire,who wants to draw every tiny drop f blood.

Stay away from kids,stay away from humans period.In fact stay away from animals,plants all living things. Do not bother us anymore, we care and we do not care for fools like you. you are a disease which is spreading rampant,please people take a vaccination and try not to let these demons enter you soul.

Please spread the word.Take the Vaccination called HUMANITY. KILL THE HATE,SPREAD THE LOVE,RESPECT and above all FREEDOM to live and let live.

Friday, June 12, 2009

speak..

being within the walls of self,looking at the one within,
you thought you forget the past and moved on to the present.

you met yourself at the end and questioned again and again,
the answers were always the ones that you wanted to hear.

today you met the "you" that came to visit from the past,
it said "tell me my friend,does it feel good to see me"?

you smiled and you walked away,never looking back,
it was the point you missed,you missed completing yourself by answering the question.

you still linger on to those moments and think that no one can say,no one can hear the past?

say it out my soul,tell him,shout out, for it feels like a baby with no past and future that she holds for herself.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

mind games

I can hear the voices in my head,
are they trying to tell me something?

i can see figures float around,
are they are a part of my mind?

i can see shadows,more than one,
are they following me?

i can feel the pain inside,
are they not showing themselves to you?

i can feel the emptiness in me,
are they just illusion created by me?

i need to know the answers,
or are these question are part of the game?

Friday, April 3, 2009

Woman know your Power!

when I was a teenager that as an incident that shook me.

We used to go for a stroll in our colony after dinner.We did that same that night,6 girls in their 16teens.We saw there was a party happening in of the houses.We wanted to get in and have fun.We met a guy and he invited us over.he was cute and few girls ended up exchanging numbers.However curfew got us back home.We decided to spend the night in my place.

One of the girls wanted to go for the party.She called the guy who we bumped into.he came home and picked her up (all this without the knowledge of elders.we were teenagers mind you).So we waited,waited and waited.she did not come back. time was 4 am,i woke my dad up and told him what happened.Dad being my dad,did not scream shout or raise his eyebrows."do you know that address", he asked. we sat on his scooter and went to the party house. Music was blaring and dance was in trance stage.dad knocked on the door and a young boy in his late teens answered the door.

Is Sheetal (name changed) in, he asked. the boy's face turned white.He tried to stop dad from getting in.But, tough luck dad was heavy and this boy looked like a little rat in front of him. We went in and started looking for her. We found her in the bedroom,crouching on the floor.She was tipsy and the handsome hunk was all over her. Dad threw (literally) this guy from one side to the other,like a ball. Picked up Sheetal and put her on the scooter. I was sitting at the back holding her head.

Reached home,she slept.Dad went to the guys house in the morning.His parents were on a vacation and they got back in the morning.His mother pleaded and asked dad not to lodge a complaint. Dad was angry,he wanted to whack that guy and he did that in front of his parents. I remember he beat him black and blue.Told him that if he ever,ever misbehaves with a girl again in his life. He will hunt him down ( by the way that guy is in touch with dad and his parents too)

Why did I write all this today.Sheetal wanted to go out that day.We were not in the mood and we told Sheetal that she can meet the guy in the day.However she thought we were being pessimistic and very Indian orthodox.Whatever you call it and walked out. In the end she had to be rescued and she still fears going out with strangers.

That was a teenager and today many grown up women are going through the same phase. You might think I am from old school or I do not appreciate modern woman. I do in fact I am very positive and extremely found of my freedom and my mind. However we need to know our limitations. Sheetal could be anyone of us. It is not modern if you go out with a stranger in the middle of the night.Listen to you instincts and then go on.inform someone about where you're going.Keep your friends numbers on speed dial.

Modern or traditional we women need to understand that freedom is very important for us and we need to utilize it carefully. We need to be equal and not compete with men. He is going out alone, so can I.Yes you can,though you might disagree. We have strong mental powers and mind. Physically we are weak. Not that we cannot kill.But tell me what will you do if there are 5 guys and only you.

A friend once told me if there are 2 guys, I will fight till the end.If they are 5 then I will say say please use condom! (she took the whole episode in a funny manner and made me laugh) Cause she knows that every human being has her/his strengths and weakness!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

to or not to...

Never imagined myself to be at home and be a homemaker. indeed it was a choice made my self and to think of it, I am enjoying the phase right now.

Getting up,making coffee (thankfully my better half does not insist on me waking up early or doing wifely duties of old era). the thing is that i would not have been with him if he expected me to do so. That brings me to my fav subject of today "compromise"

I remember my mom never asked my dad for permission for anything.She just told him what she wants to do. He on the other hand never told her what to do and left her choices to her. The way we were brought up at home also laid the foundation to what we think is compromise. Like I never ask people,I tell them. If I want to go out with my girlie, I tell V and he is OK with it and vice verse.

Recently a friend was telling me that she cannot do that,as her husband was not happy with it. The thing is that she was not doing anything major. All she asked him was for some personal time for herself. His reason was that you have to take care of family and that is personal time. ahem,one whack from me to him.

That does not mean,never to compromise. If you think that your thing is little less important than that of the other person,then go ahead give it to him/her. Sometimes the smile on the other person's face lets you forget that you did compromise for them.

So decide and be sure of your choice and yes never compromise for worse.compromise for better.

Monday, March 30, 2009

it is all in your head my friend!

Trust is a big,it is mean and it kills the joy out then it goes away. It brings you down on knees,it makes you shiver in shadows.it haunts you down,it kills you!


there was boy,there was a girl.he decided to let go of the trust she had.she decided to catch it.she did catch it by ear and asked it to stay quite and not play any games and stay quite!

she went on to the other side of the river,he called out loud.she turned back to discover.the name was hers but the person was the other!

he said to her,when in doubt ask yourself.if you think he is lying then think over.it is you who is lying.

went on this hunt,got loads of meat.cooked it well with gravy and spice.put it on table for them to eat.they each grabbed a piece and left her with no more meat!

she was staring at the window on the other end.he was staring at her. she looked at him,he fell apart.she was looking from the picture that hung on the wall.

death is crazy,she wants to dance. Dante is not ready for her yet.she was swing to the tune of black and Grey. he was waiting and whispering" please don't make me your prey"

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

trip to valley!

the place was filled with deodar trees.It was the first time that I went to a place like that in my whole 22 years. M suggested we keep walking up the path and asked us to hold on to or breath till we reach the end. We did exactly as he asked us to. When we reached the top of the cliff, we waited and our mouths went gasping.Not for air but to realize the hidden beauty around the hills.there was a valley dark and deep.the mountain around it looked like a man's face.

I remember that face still and looking forward to going there again this year!

Monday, February 9, 2009

Right turn or Left?


So this is it I turned 30 on the 4th day of the month February in the year 2009.It is great to be here, at this podium. It feels like I am on a high rise and I can see myself emerge from that little embryo to the woman that I am now. They are many lanes below and i feel myself walking down every lane. Either to experience the adventure behind the curve at the end or to run into unexpected vast land. Never regretted a single wrong turn. when the turn was right i was happy and when it was wrong I was eagerly waiting for the mysterious in it.

So here waiting for many more roads, which in turn lead me to the vast space in the universe!

Monday, January 19, 2009

Things that I have been doing!

So this year starting from the 2nd has been quite a random trip (that is what i had on my face book status message).

first I was free and thinking yay! things are moving and going great. that fun lasted only a day when the realization hit me on how freaking hectic my shoots were! that feeling lasted and lasted till it dissolved in the clouds of my ever going smoke.

then my personal life got a little distorted?

I have been going on and about whether I should date someone or not after the last relationship. The way things were going in the last one was just perfect ( not perfect with a P,but perfect). However, I tried to walk out of it as I knew d.t( i.e me) would be giving less time and the guy deserves more than that. Then the men came and went , some were good looking,some were good to talk to,some men were just plain straight at what they wanted and many just passed by without a look. I was talking to a friend about this the other day and she said this." your problem is that you get bored very soon and that is why none of your relationships last more than a year". she did hit the right key.

So what does one have to do?look for someone who keeps you entertained?

Then my son and I have been sharing an amazing bond. He is talking to me in English.Don't ask, no matter what your native tongue is, the school only talks in English. So my little one is used to talking Telugu at home and he got busted once at school for using Telugu.I hate that feeling of him getting busted.Hence the " we vonly talk in angrezi programming" has begun. I discovered that he likes to sketch and also tends to think a lot like me. He will sit and random stare at you.( that is what I do when you know , when I do that.......) but he does it all time and dare ask him what he was thinking about. he will say he was trying to imagine a story. I must ask him to write down all his stories when he keeps staring at me.( sometimes I think it is just a way of getting me off his back)

Friends have been good to me and few I have left behind.I love meeting people and adding them to my list of friends. For me it is like I am meeting a new character out of a movie everyday.the best is "a movie that is so cool , you have no idea when and what the ending is"!