F.R.I.E.N.D.S

This is a very important part of my life.I mean the title of this post.

From a very young age it seems that the me never agreed to get closer to friends.It was in built.I had many friends over the years but I left them behind.Not for a bad reason.However someone getting too close to me did disturb me.It was more like "out of sight,but never out of mind". So tracking back from past to present,I don't have what you call a 3 am friend or someone who i can call and say let's go out for coffee right now.It is just that i moved away from them.But the thing is that I have almost 1000 friends on Facebook!Even if I want to call, I would think "hmm what will he/she think if I call them at this hour or now?" or what is worse is that I am extremely sensitive and if that friend does something to offend me with or without her/his knowledge I will feel so sad that I will stop my interaction with them or stay a bit far.

I will feel bad and wonder what went wrong and then feel upset and scold myself for not being close.But that is not in my nature.I wonder if there are people like that in the world.

I want my friends to respond to what i say and think and not just be there in happy times.Thank God we can choose friends.However,how does on choose the right ones? if I have to break it down in my head this is how I would think

"Hmm X has not called me for the ast 6 months and even if I did X did not pick up the phone".

"Does X do the same think to others?"."How can that be possible? Why is X ot telling me anything?".

"Should I call and blast X? but,wait what will x think.Is it OK for me to do so?" and then I brood and brood oer and then think X has moved on with new people.

yes,I am freaking mad and extremely insane at this age...