I was all set to write my blog.Peacefully with out any interruptions,in my bedroom,on a green bed sheet with the windows open and the nice Bangalore weather for company. However,it was tossed out of tossed out of those very niche French windows.V and Aku barged in and started their verbal war.
There is always this thing that goes in my mind.
"am i being able to connect both of them?"
"is aku able to find that father figure in V?"
"is V being the right,good father?".
"Am i overreacting to situations and taking up Aku's side?" and much more.
Then I tell my mind "relax,alex,all is well".I tend to get a little protective about aku,more than anyone i guess.He is my love and there is no way i can close that door of over protectiveness about him,even with the new baby around. I was so paranoid,that i would get up in the middle of the night and think "what if someone takes him away?"."what if he misses his bus and does not know how to get back to school?" and much more.
I have overcome most of it.However,i am still not convinced about way I let V handle him.I know I am too hard on V and i hope that someday,i will be able to overcome it.
"God please let me overcome it"!!!!!!!!!!!
Monday, December 6, 2010
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Good Morning
Good Morning,
I have been up from 4 am in the morning and watching movies,feeding my 5 month old,making coffee for my hubby who just got back from work.I am not tired and I am in a very good mood(hope it remains till the end of today).
Been wanting to write a book for the past 6 years.Yes,6 years is a long time to think and a long time to gather material.you would have thought that I did.However,I have no even picked up a twig yet and have no clue where to start.All I know is I want to write books and not the ones that preach or tell you to get up and move on.I want to write something that is familiar and something that i have lived through.I tried one day to write a fantasy book,even picked up names like "namerain"(name of the lead character).however,after 2 paragraphs,I left the page and wandered into the kitchen to make pasta.
Why is there a need for me to write a book? why is there a need for me make a living out of writing?I don't know the answer to that questions as yet.All I know is that I derive a sense of pleasure out of penning those words or more like typing those letters on the keyboard and listening to that sound of the letters being typed or looking at each and every letter form a word.
I thought writing can be done by starting to write articles on the web,you know the SEO or writing about a razer that is so important that you end up writing about all the things a razor could do!I took up umpteen assignments on the same and then realized that I HATE THEM.The guys who gave me those assignments called like 10 times asking me for the finished work and i had o make some excuse.Reason - I never did go beyond one para.I hated what it made me feel like.It felt like I was writing for someone else(which I was).
So, I gave up and did not write at all.In fact there was nothing to write about.I mean there is always something to write about.However, I did not have the patience to write.then again I read this someones thoughts on writing and it somehow made an impact on me.
You know how they say everything happens for a reason and the reason for me to stay up and read this was for a reason.I think it was to tell me,that you cannot be hard on you and you cannot expect yourself to write unless you know and believe in what you are writing( I used the word writing like a zillion times here).
There is always a point in life where you journey begins.There is always a reason to start something.Sometimes you know the reason and sometimes you do not.Don't pause ans think and ask yourself.Just go with the flow and the reason will come and tell you "deethi,this is the reason why you are here".I am no more going to wait for a moment or time to start writing.I will write when I feel happy,sad,gay, disappointed and many more moods.I will write when I want to be hear by myself and i will write for my happiness!
P.S - also when my 5 month old and my 7-year-old,tell me mama "we love you" and when my V tell me "i love you"
I have been up from 4 am in the morning and watching movies,feeding my 5 month old,making coffee for my hubby who just got back from work.I am not tired and I am in a very good mood(hope it remains till the end of today).
Been wanting to write a book for the past 6 years.Yes,6 years is a long time to think and a long time to gather material.you would have thought that I did.However,I have no even picked up a twig yet and have no clue where to start.All I know is I want to write books and not the ones that preach or tell you to get up and move on.I want to write something that is familiar and something that i have lived through.I tried one day to write a fantasy book,even picked up names like "namerain"(name of the lead character).however,after 2 paragraphs,I left the page and wandered into the kitchen to make pasta.
Why is there a need for me to write a book? why is there a need for me make a living out of writing?I don't know the answer to that questions as yet.All I know is that I derive a sense of pleasure out of penning those words or more like typing those letters on the keyboard and listening to that sound of the letters being typed or looking at each and every letter form a word.
I thought writing can be done by starting to write articles on the web,you know the SEO or writing about a razer that is so important that you end up writing about all the things a razor could do!I took up umpteen assignments on the same and then realized that I HATE THEM.The guys who gave me those assignments called like 10 times asking me for the finished work and i had o make some excuse.Reason - I never did go beyond one para.I hated what it made me feel like.It felt like I was writing for someone else(which I was).
So, I gave up and did not write at all.In fact there was nothing to write about.I mean there is always something to write about.However, I did not have the patience to write.then again I read this someones thoughts on writing and it somehow made an impact on me.
You know how they say everything happens for a reason and the reason for me to stay up and read this was for a reason.I think it was to tell me,that you cannot be hard on you and you cannot expect yourself to write unless you know and believe in what you are writing( I used the word writing like a zillion times here).
There is always a point in life where you journey begins.There is always a reason to start something.Sometimes you know the reason and sometimes you do not.Don't pause ans think and ask yourself.Just go with the flow and the reason will come and tell you "deethi,this is the reason why you are here".I am no more going to wait for a moment or time to start writing.I will write when I feel happy,sad,gay, disappointed and many more moods.I will write when I want to be hear by myself and i will write for my happiness!
P.S - also when my 5 month old and my 7-year-old,tell me mama "we love you" and when my V tell me "i love you"
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
weight thrown around!
Been a long long long longgggggg Holiday and yes I think I did have good time diary :D.When i write in my blog,the picture that automatically comes to my mind is of a young me, scribbilling her way through the diary.Then safely locking it ( had one of those cute ones that you could lock) and then search the whole room for the lost key the next day.Here i forget my password and everyday I click on "lost password" link :)
I think the 3 months effect of being a new mother is slowly wading off.Ask me how?" how deethi how?,Well I went to the tailor to get a salwar stitched and seriously I was not at all happy with the thing called tape and the thing called measurements I saw!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.I was in tears when the Tailor looked my sad face and said "hota hai maadamjo hota hai" and I was like "kya hota hai" and he said "Size aur bada hota hai"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ayooooooooooo save me :(
Then there is my hair, throughout pregnancy i fell in love with my curls.oh!how curly,noodles like they looked and now after 3 months,I will be surprised if they look even like wires that i hang my clothes one :(
I don't have a single tee that fits me and all i have is size s and xs and hoping that i will land in them soon i keep them safe.My mother looks at them and at me and says "hmm,i was like this after you and look where i am now".she is put on more kgs people :(
So i started playing badminton today and i was kinda puffft after few serves.but,hell goes to heaven or heaven goes to hell.I shall get back to at least the M size and at least i can tell my daughter-in-law "i was a figure then ma" :P "even after the second one" :D
I think the 3 months effect of being a new mother is slowly wading off.Ask me how?" how deethi how?,Well I went to the tailor to get a salwar stitched and seriously I was not at all happy with the thing called tape and the thing called measurements I saw!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.I was in tears when the Tailor looked my sad face and said "hota hai maadamjo hota hai" and I was like "kya hota hai" and he said "Size aur bada hota hai"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ayooooooooooo save me :(
Then there is my hair, throughout pregnancy i fell in love with my curls.oh!how curly,noodles like they looked and now after 3 months,I will be surprised if they look even like wires that i hang my clothes one :(
I don't have a single tee that fits me and all i have is size s and xs and hoping that i will land in them soon i keep them safe.My mother looks at them and at me and says "hmm,i was like this after you and look where i am now".she is put on more kgs people :(
So i started playing badminton today and i was kinda puffft after few serves.but,hell goes to heaven or heaven goes to hell.I shall get back to at least the M size and at least i can tell my daughter-in-law "i was a figure then ma" :P "even after the second one" :D
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
My city,My lane
Vyas is screaming for attention and calls out for me more than often.His little ugoo's are catching my heart everyday and i just cannot say how happy i feel when i see him give his toothless smile :)
Aku started reading to vyas and he read from his "magic Stories" book and keeps asking vyas all the questions i used to ask aku after i read a story and poor vyas,just looks at his brother and smiles :)
Feel good to and looking forward for those 10 days at amma's home in hyderabad.As a teenager my brother and i used to hate our area or those little lanes where we live.It is in the old part of secundrabad.We used to scream and yell at our parents,asking them to get to the hip side of the city.Most of the time or say always,we kept out friends away from home,thinking freak what will they think? and also spent most time in the happening areas at that time,like banjara,jubilee or sainikpuri.However i just realized that,those tiny lanes have so much activity in them.When i come out to my balcony in the post gates community in Bangalore,i miss noise around me.I mis kids screaming and playing gulli cricket.I miss neighbours sitting out and gossiping.I miss aunties bringing over savouries and snacks.i miss sitting in the front yard when it is hot and drinking juice or butter milk and chatting with relatives and friends.I miss not having t knock to go to any house there and miss the way we celebrate functions and festivals.
I am gad I belong to Seethphalmandi and am proud to be a citizen there :)
Aku started reading to vyas and he read from his "magic Stories" book and keeps asking vyas all the questions i used to ask aku after i read a story and poor vyas,just looks at his brother and smiles :)
Feel good to and looking forward for those 10 days at amma's home in hyderabad.As a teenager my brother and i used to hate our area or those little lanes where we live.It is in the old part of secundrabad.We used to scream and yell at our parents,asking them to get to the hip side of the city.Most of the time or say always,we kept out friends away from home,thinking freak what will they think? and also spent most time in the happening areas at that time,like banjara,jubilee or sainikpuri.However i just realized that,those tiny lanes have so much activity in them.When i come out to my balcony in the post gates community in Bangalore,i miss noise around me.I mis kids screaming and playing gulli cricket.I miss neighbours sitting out and gossiping.I miss aunties bringing over savouries and snacks.i miss sitting in the front yard when it is hot and drinking juice or butter milk and chatting with relatives and friends.I miss not having t knock to go to any house there and miss the way we celebrate functions and festivals.
I am gad I belong to Seethphalmandi and am proud to be a citizen there :)
Monday, October 4, 2010
Screwed up?
I wanted to talk to a friend today,tried her number and that was off.I then called my amma and spoke to her for a bit and felt better.Now here is the deal, I am pretty pissed off with this friend.I am in the same city that she is visiting and 2 days and no calls nothing.I did not even know that she was here.But,thanks to FB i am updated.
Sometimes and just many times V says I overreact and except a lot.but,then I say when you give the same,you expect the same.Some say don't except and I say hell, I do.That is how I am made and I am not willing to change few things in me.Like how to change? say "oh i do matter to them"?.Once I got to know the same friend had a major fight with her hubby and called this other common friend.I got to know,cause the common friend slipped tongue and then i asked lets say X,why she did not tell me about the fight?.Then immediately X called the common friend while i was there and i think asked her not to tell me much.Well that hurt as I consider this one X as few of my good friends.
X is also good friend with this one friend Y who thought I had ego and was jealous and said it straight to me and also used to walk out every time was in a party or a common ground.I spoke to this one patiently and told her that she has a problem and to deal with it.X at that time told me that Y was stupid to say that and btw I was the one who introduced X to Y.Now after what Y said about me,X id great friends with Y and i just cannot fathom on how X invites both of us to the same do.I am sorry i cannot ignore and it just does not get comfortable.Over the month I realized that Y is a good friend and we back as friends but not the same as we were :(
Now i think it is high time i give up all these relations and just stay "chill" as my mind and body is.There you go my frustration is out :)
Sometimes and just many times V says I overreact and except a lot.but,then I say when you give the same,you expect the same.Some say don't except and I say hell, I do.That is how I am made and I am not willing to change few things in me.Like how to change? say "oh i do matter to them"?.Once I got to know the same friend had a major fight with her hubby and called this other common friend.I got to know,cause the common friend slipped tongue and then i asked lets say X,why she did not tell me about the fight?.Then immediately X called the common friend while i was there and i think asked her not to tell me much.Well that hurt as I consider this one X as few of my good friends.
X is also good friend with this one friend Y who thought I had ego and was jealous and said it straight to me and also used to walk out every time was in a party or a common ground.I spoke to this one patiently and told her that she has a problem and to deal with it.X at that time told me that Y was stupid to say that and btw I was the one who introduced X to Y.Now after what Y said about me,X id great friends with Y and i just cannot fathom on how X invites both of us to the same do.I am sorry i cannot ignore and it just does not get comfortable.Over the month I realized that Y is a good friend and we back as friends but not the same as we were :(
Now i think it is high time i give up all these relations and just stay "chill" as my mind and body is.There you go my frustration is out :)
Sunday, October 3, 2010
That Sunday,This Sunday!
There were times on a Sunday, all I would do is sleep,get up,get brunch,go for a movie or chill at home with movies and then go for a party at night.
These are Sundays where I get up feed the baby,massage him,give him a bath,give aku a bath,feed him something,get some coffee and do the duties.get out for another shout for milk,serve lunch (thankfully i have a cook).dust the home,wash clothes and wait for another load to be washed,dry them and make tea and then do some other work.
Being a home maker is not easy and on top of it if you have no help then you go crazy.V helps me with the baby and does things when i do ask him to do.What I would really really like??? yeh some kind of...forgetting that word..you know when V knows what to do when and does not need to me to tell him what to do.That is what I want.
I was supposed to get help from in-laws, some maid,but that backed out ( i know somehow that it was someone who asked that maid to stay put where she was).In-laws is another thing and I will write about those stories later.
For now,I got time to update my blog and vent my freaking frustration out.Also a friend was supposed to update me on life and they just forgot I exist...yeh,I am having a hellish weekend :) with a nice movie that kept me lol in the early hours called GOA...watch it a neat,kickass Tamil movie....
These are Sundays where I get up feed the baby,massage him,give him a bath,give aku a bath,feed him something,get some coffee and do the duties.get out for another shout for milk,serve lunch (thankfully i have a cook).dust the home,wash clothes and wait for another load to be washed,dry them and make tea and then do some other work.
Being a home maker is not easy and on top of it if you have no help then you go crazy.V helps me with the baby and does things when i do ask him to do.What I would really really like??? yeh some kind of...forgetting that word..you know when V knows what to do when and does not need to me to tell him what to do.That is what I want.
I was supposed to get help from in-laws, some maid,but that backed out ( i know somehow that it was someone who asked that maid to stay put where she was).In-laws is another thing and I will write about those stories later.
For now,I got time to update my blog and vent my freaking frustration out.Also a friend was supposed to update me on life and they just forgot I exist...yeh,I am having a hellish weekend :) with a nice movie that kept me lol in the early hours called GOA...watch it a neat,kickass Tamil movie....
Saturday, October 2, 2010
I am that Girl
I cannot think of the name of that particular movie.However I was reminded it again today.It is about this guy who dates women and when they break up with him,they get married.
My story has been somewhat similar,just that in this case.I am that guy!All the men I have dated till now,are married and the best part is, that they found their better halves after they broke up with me.My husband calls me the good luck charm.For him I was just that girl who he was supposed to,wanted to with heart and soul and married me.
My Ex's are all happily married and today one such ex and a great friend came over to spend the weekend with us along with his wifey.I am so gald that even though the relationships have gone sour the friendship still remians intact and I am sure it will be for ages to come.
I once wrote and entire post on a topic related to this and you can find it here
Good luck and have a great relationship with everyone around you :)
My story has been somewhat similar,just that in this case.I am that guy!All the men I have dated till now,are married and the best part is, that they found their better halves after they broke up with me.My husband calls me the good luck charm.For him I was just that girl who he was supposed to,wanted to with heart and soul and married me.
My Ex's are all happily married and today one such ex and a great friend came over to spend the weekend with us along with his wifey.I am so gald that even though the relationships have gone sour the friendship still remians intact and I am sure it will be for ages to come.
I once wrote and entire post on a topic related to this and you can find it here
Good luck and have a great relationship with everyone around you :)
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