it is all in your head my friend!

Trust is a big,it is mean and it kills the joy out then it goes away. It brings you down on knees,it makes you shiver in shadows.it haunts you down,it kills you!


there was boy,there was a girl.he decided to let go of the trust she had.she decided to catch it.she did catch it by ear and asked it to stay quite and not play any games and stay quite!

she went on to the other side of the river,he called out loud.she turned back to discover.the name was hers but the person was the other!

he said to her,when in doubt ask yourself.if you think he is lying then think over.it is you who is lying.

went on this hunt,got loads of meat.cooked it well with gravy and spice.put it on table for them to eat.they each grabbed a piece and left her with no more meat!

she was staring at the window on the other end.he was staring at her. she looked at him,he fell apart.she was looking from the picture that hung on the wall.

death is crazy,she wants to dance. Dante is not ready for her yet.she was swing to the tune of black and Grey. he was waiting and whispering" please don't make me your prey"

trip to valley!

the place was filled with deodar trees.It was the first time that I went to a place like that in my whole 22 years. M suggested we keep walking up the path and asked us to hold on to or breath till we reach the end. We did exactly as he asked us to. When we reached the top of the cliff, we waited and our mouths went gasping.Not for air but to realize the hidden beauty around the hills.there was a valley dark and deep.the mountain around it looked like a man's face.

I remember that face still and looking forward to going there again this year!

Right turn or Left?

So this is it I turned 30 on the 4th day of the month February in the year 2009.It is great to be here, at this podium. It feels like I am on a high rise and I can see myself emerge from that little embryo to the woman that I am now. They are many lanes below and i feel myself walking down every lane. Either to experience the adventure behind the curve at the end or to run into unexpected vast land. Never regretted a single wrong turn. when the turn was right i was happy and when it was wrong I was eagerly waiting for the mysterious in it.

So here waiting for many more roads, which in turn lead me to the vast space in the universe!

Things that I have been doing!

So this year starting from the 2nd has been quite a random trip (that is what i had on my face book status message).

first I was free and thinking yay! things are moving and going great. that fun lasted only a day when the realization hit me on how freaking hectic my shoots were! that feeling lasted and lasted till it dissolved in the clouds of my ever going smoke.

then my personal life got a little distorted?

I have been going on and about whether I should date someone or not after the last relationship. The way things were going in the last one was just perfect ( not perfect with a P,but perfect). However, I tried to walk out of it as I knew d.t( i.e me) would be giving less time and the guy deserves more than that. Then the men came and went , some were good looking,some were good to talk to,some men were just plain straight at what they wanted and many just passed by without a look. I was talking to a friend about this the other day and she said this." your problem is that you get bored very soon and that is why none of your relationships last more than a year". she did hit the right key.

So what does one have to do?look for someone who keeps you entertained?

Then my son and I have been sharing an amazing bond. He is talking to me in English.Don't ask, no matter what your native tongue is, the school only talks in English. So my little one is used to talking Telugu at home and he got busted once at school for using Telugu.I hate that feeling of him getting busted.Hence the " we vonly talk in angrezi programming" has begun. I discovered that he likes to sketch and also tends to think a lot like me. He will sit and random stare at you.( that is what I do when you know , when I do that.......) but he does it all time and dare ask him what he was thinking about. he will say he was trying to imagine a story. I must ask him to write down all his stories when he keeps staring at me.( sometimes I think it is just a way of getting me off his back)

Friends have been good to me and few I have left behind.I love meeting people and adding them to my list of friends. For me it is like I am meeting a new character out of a movie everyday.the best is "a movie that is so cool , you have no idea when and what the ending is"!

Mature, Me?

As I write this post I overcome or i thought i did a very emotional issue that has been hitting me for a long time now.They say what you sow is what you reap and that is so true.No matter what part of the world you are.No matter how rich or poor you are and no matter whatever it is. When you hurt someone or did something wrong it will haunt you and come back to you and slap you on your face. the older am turning the more I am getting closer to this reality.

I did many wrong things.Few I did with out knowing that I was and few I knew. Only from one that I remember the intention was not to hurt or cause any damage to anyone. However, It dawns on me that things will be better from now on. My realization came quite late, close to when am hitting the big 30. The good part is that "better late than never". We all make mistakes and learn from them and trust me I learn a hell lot from mine.


I miss my days when i had nothing to worry about.had no choices to make and not a thing that would bother me.I am glad in a way the right now things bother me a lot.However, I have choices to make and decide what to worry about and what not too.

as they say "the older you grow that better it gets"....am on the lookout for that path...

Moods etc etc

I was a t a friends party last night and had a great time dancing,singing and meeting people.The best thing about that party that a friend and i discovered that the vibes of the people in that house ( we were a bunch of 50 odd people) were amazingly positive. That is when i realized that my fun was to do with my state of mind too. the vibe that i gave out was positive and that made sure I shared it with everyone I knew in that party.

What is the point of being in a good party and not enjoying it and sulking all the way through.You'd rather sit at home and sulk by yourself. The thing is that when you are in a bad mood and and at good place 2 things can happen

1. you can make the people around you sad by sulking

2. you start to enjoy the good vibes and feel better.

i know a friend who sulks quite often at places where there are more than 2 people and the sulking makes her whole evening or night shit.In the process we around her also start feeling irritated and here goes the evening. Now if this person started to enjoy herself first and feel happy about herself then things would turn out to be better. I am not saying everyone has to be or will be happy 24/7 all am saying is that life is crap at times and when you are lows nothing can happen but lift you to high. so Enjoy the high right now rather than waiting for the lows or better inviting them yourself.

Rumi said this !

over's nationality is separate from all other religions,
The lover's religion and nationality is the Beloved (God).

The lover’s cause is separate from all other causes
Love is the astrolabe of God's mysteries

* the above is from Masnavi

Rumi's universality

What can I do, Submitters to God? I do not know myself.
I am neither Christian nor Jew, neither Zoroastrian nor Muslim,
I am not from east or west, not from land or sea,
not from the shafts of nature nor from the spheres of the firmament,
not of the earth, not of water, not of air, not of fire.
I am not from the highest heaven, not from this world,
not from existence, not from being.
I am not from India, not from China, not from Bulgar, not from Saqsin,
not from the realm of the two Iraqs, not from the land of Khurasan
I am not from the world, not from beyond,
not from heaven and not from hell.
I am not from Adam, not from Eve, not from paradise and not from Ridwan.
My place is placeless, my trace is traceless,
no body, no soul, I am from the soul of souls.
I have chased out duality, lived the two worlds as one.
One I seek, one I know, one I see, one I call.
He is the first, he is the last, he is the outer, he is the inner.
Beyond "He" and "He is" I know no other.
I am drunk from the cup of love, the two worlds have escaped me.
I have no concern but carouse and rapture.
If one day in my life I spend a moment without you
from that hour and that time I would repent my life.
If one day I am given a moment in solitude with you
I will trample the two worlds underfoot and dance forever.
O Sun of Tabriz (Shams Tabrizi), I am so tipsy here in this world,
I have no tale to tell but tipsiness and rapture.