speak..

being within the walls of self,looking at the one within,
you thought you forget the past and moved on to the present.

you met yourself at the end and questioned again and again,
the answers were always the ones that you wanted to hear.

today you met the "you" that came to visit from the past,
it said "tell me my friend,does it feel good to see me"?

you smiled and you walked away,never looking back,
it was the point you missed,you missed completing yourself by answering the question.

you still linger on to those moments and think that no one can say,no one can hear the past?

say it out my soul,tell him,shout out, for it feels like a baby with no past and future that she holds for herself.

mind games

I can hear the voices in my head,
are they trying to tell me something?

i can see figures float around,
are they are a part of my mind?

i can see shadows,more than one,
are they following me?

i can feel the pain inside,
are they not showing themselves to you?

i can feel the emptiness in me,
are they just illusion created by me?

i need to know the answers,
or are these question are part of the game?

Woman know your Power!

when I was a teenager that as an incident that shook me.

We used to go for a stroll in our colony after dinner.We did that same that night,6 girls in their 16teens.We saw there was a party happening in of the houses.We wanted to get in and have fun.We met a guy and he invited us over.he was cute and few girls ended up exchanging numbers.However curfew got us back home.We decided to spend the night in my place.

One of the girls wanted to go for the party.She called the guy who we bumped into.he came home and picked her up (all this without the knowledge of elders.we were teenagers mind you).So we waited,waited and waited.she did not come back. time was 4 am,i woke my dad up and told him what happened.Dad being my dad,did not scream shout or raise his eyebrows."do you know that address", he asked. we sat on his scooter and went to the party house. Music was blaring and dance was in trance stage.dad knocked on the door and a young boy in his late teens answered the door.

Is Sheetal (name changed) in, he asked. the boy's face turned white.He tried to stop dad from getting in.But, tough luck dad was heavy and this boy looked like a little rat in front of him. We went in and started looking for her. We found her in the bedroom,crouching on the floor.She was tipsy and the handsome hunk was all over her. Dad threw (literally) this guy from one side to the other,like a ball. Picked up Sheetal and put her on the scooter. I was sitting at the back holding her head.

Reached home,she slept.Dad went to the guys house in the morning.His parents were on a vacation and they got back in the morning.His mother pleaded and asked dad not to lodge a complaint. Dad was angry,he wanted to whack that guy and he did that in front of his parents. I remember he beat him black and blue.Told him that if he ever,ever misbehaves with a girl again in his life. He will hunt him down ( by the way that guy is in touch with dad and his parents too)

Why did I write all this today.Sheetal wanted to go out that day.We were not in the mood and we told Sheetal that she can meet the guy in the day.However she thought we were being pessimistic and very Indian orthodox.Whatever you call it and walked out. In the end she had to be rescued and she still fears going out with strangers.

That was a teenager and today many grown up women are going through the same phase. You might think I am from old school or I do not appreciate modern woman. I do in fact I am very positive and extremely found of my freedom and my mind. However we need to know our limitations. Sheetal could be anyone of us. It is not modern if you go out with a stranger in the middle of the night.Listen to you instincts and then go on.inform someone about where you're going.Keep your friends numbers on speed dial.

Modern or traditional we women need to understand that freedom is very important for us and we need to utilize it carefully. We need to be equal and not compete with men. He is going out alone, so can I.Yes you can,though you might disagree. We have strong mental powers and mind. Physically we are weak. Not that we cannot kill.But tell me what will you do if there are 5 guys and only you.

A friend once told me if there are 2 guys, I will fight till the end.If they are 5 then I will say say please use condom! (she took the whole episode in a funny manner and made me laugh) Cause she knows that every human being has her/his strengths and weakness!

to or not to...

Never imagined myself to be at home and be a homemaker. indeed it was a choice made my self and to think of it, I am enjoying the phase right now.

Getting up,making coffee (thankfully my better half does not insist on me waking up early or doing wifely duties of old era). the thing is that i would not have been with him if he expected me to do so. That brings me to my fav subject of today "compromise"

I remember my mom never asked my dad for permission for anything.She just told him what she wants to do. He on the other hand never told her what to do and left her choices to her. The way we were brought up at home also laid the foundation to what we think is compromise. Like I never ask people,I tell them. If I want to go out with my girlie, I tell V and he is OK with it and vice verse.

Recently a friend was telling me that she cannot do that,as her husband was not happy with it. The thing is that she was not doing anything major. All she asked him was for some personal time for herself. His reason was that you have to take care of family and that is personal time. ahem,one whack from me to him.

That does not mean,never to compromise. If you think that your thing is little less important than that of the other person,then go ahead give it to him/her. Sometimes the smile on the other person's face lets you forget that you did compromise for them.

So decide and be sure of your choice and yes never compromise for worse.compromise for better.

it is all in your head my friend!

Trust is a big,it is mean and it kills the joy out then it goes away. It brings you down on knees,it makes you shiver in shadows.it haunts you down,it kills you!


there was boy,there was a girl.he decided to let go of the trust she had.she decided to catch it.she did catch it by ear and asked it to stay quite and not play any games and stay quite!

she went on to the other side of the river,he called out loud.she turned back to discover.the name was hers but the person was the other!

he said to her,when in doubt ask yourself.if you think he is lying then think over.it is you who is lying.

went on this hunt,got loads of meat.cooked it well with gravy and spice.put it on table for them to eat.they each grabbed a piece and left her with no more meat!

she was staring at the window on the other end.he was staring at her. she looked at him,he fell apart.she was looking from the picture that hung on the wall.

death is crazy,she wants to dance. Dante is not ready for her yet.she was swing to the tune of black and Grey. he was waiting and whispering" please don't make me your prey"

trip to valley!

the place was filled with deodar trees.It was the first time that I went to a place like that in my whole 22 years. M suggested we keep walking up the path and asked us to hold on to or breath till we reach the end. We did exactly as he asked us to. When we reached the top of the cliff, we waited and our mouths went gasping.Not for air but to realize the hidden beauty around the hills.there was a valley dark and deep.the mountain around it looked like a man's face.

I remember that face still and looking forward to going there again this year!

Right turn or Left?

So this is it I turned 30 on the 4th day of the month February in the year 2009.It is great to be here, at this podium. It feels like I am on a high rise and I can see myself emerge from that little embryo to the woman that I am now. They are many lanes below and i feel myself walking down every lane. Either to experience the adventure behind the curve at the end or to run into unexpected vast land. Never regretted a single wrong turn. when the turn was right i was happy and when it was wrong I was eagerly waiting for the mysterious in it.

So here waiting for many more roads, which in turn lead me to the vast space in the universe!