question

the reason to survive seems to be obscure.however does everyone have a reason to live?

The Wait...........

this month can be associated with lots of emotions.I staged my first play on the 20th of August 2008.It was an amazing journey.

I wanted to write a play to and I did. It shaped OK. However, my question was how do I take this forward? I had no one to go to. In fact when the play was written I was not sure that it would be staged and so on.

Then came in a friend,after a drink we were discussing about my writing and the days to go when my stories so light and so forth.She then asked me to mail her the play that wrote. I did promptly as asked. I got a call one day from this friend,she asked me to come over and meet her director.This place is called GOETHE-ZENTRUM HYDERABAD.So there I was in the office,waiting for the director.She is a lovely lady.my friend bless her muah.got this done for me.we spoke and the lady who is the director,heard me out and she pulled out her calender and was like when would you want to do this play.I was like , wait does this mean a yes or a no.She was like of course it means a yes.You must imagine I was thrilled to bits.

So the date was decided and then all I had to do was go back and find that perfect actor and the perfect child for the play.the mails kept going back and forth on the date and the venue.Me and his friend went to an awesome school, I would have loved to have the play there. However, it was way to far.My fear was , who would come all this way to see a play by me?. which was and is true.Then there was a another place called the Vidyasagar Arts Center.This place too seemed like heaven.but the rains were the question.So , that was pushed aside.So my dear Friend was busy looking for a place for the play.

My actors - I wanted another dear friend to play the role of the old woman in my play. Dear K was all excited and ready.However her working hours were so busy that she was dead beat.So I then approached another Friend S,she was reluctant at the beginning.then after cajoling and coaxing she agreed. ( I could not have asked for a better actor). I needed a younger actor and voila her son Sharan was the best and the naughtiest boy for the play. All fell in place. My challenge was to bring out the emotions in my actors as they are first timers and have nothing to do with acting.they did not choose this as profession. One is a housewife and another is a school going chirpy kid.They did not take much time.It was as if i wrote the roles for them. Music which is an essential part of our play was provided by another friend Prashanth.He was right on Track and gave me sounds that blend with the play.Voila the play was going. It had it's ups and downs. But who cares now,the timing was just right!

I was expecting an audience of 25 to 50, but when someone walked out to check.The place was filled with 250 odd people. My heart could have been running faster.My head was numb and blank. It took 2 hugs from my dear ones for me to get going and the mad look from my son...The show went on to be a good.yes i call it good, I could have done better.The Q&A session went on for more than the play.It was so moving to see people react to something I wrote so personal.I wish my writing never stops and my motivation never dies.

My parents face flashed in front of me after the play.They had tears of joy flowing freely. I guess it was ok for It was the first time I saw them so happy after Vijay's phase.I was sitting with a dear friend whose face told me a number of things.I was happy to be there, just there at the end with people i care and who love me more than I ask for....

It takes a lot of people to bring a show to the stage. I thank everyone who was involved in this process......without you I would not have not been able to move and The wait would have never got over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hands that hold the world?

if she or he whoever it is gave us life, then don't you think that person should give us the direction of life? sometimes you get so tired going the wrong way that when the right path comes, you tend to ignore.you do this becasue you are done with taking these paths alone.

Personally I feel the guiding hand should be there with you and be visible instead of the invisible hand. you really have no clue where to hold the invisible as you cannot see it.

hands have been thre for me when i needed but only for their comfort.the day they came across the path for them,they just left mine.

So guide me and for god's sake show me the visible one..........

the trip makes it up for all the times i have talked about it. for the times that i have imagined it in my head...

I was planning and planning like i was going to a war.I said yes, i have to go and then no I cannot go.The pro's and the con;s were measured.The "what will I do if it does not work out? and the what if i decide this was a bad idea half way through the trip? phew............

I went at last,throw the questions away and just go.......that I did came back feeling light as a feather :)

Before and Beyond..........

she can still hear the Drupad,
the laughter and the sounds that the night left behind.

she can still hear the ghunghroo,
the lights of the fort and the soft kiss.

her eyes tell her that he is looking at her,
the thought of that is like a thousand butterflies flying through the navel

she can still see the clouds,
with him walking by.

she can can still feel his warmth,
the tender lovemaking.

she can still remember the last line spoken,
the last of the heart beat,after she closed the door.

she waits for those footsteps to be heard again,
the ones that bring her hope from the past to a future that is unknown.

Is it worth it ?

So yesterday was a wholesome day...a day I realized what I should have realized few years ago..or maybe eons ago.Like the thought that always ran in my mind was that "when you are in love with someone for real you never judge them".I live by that rule and until yesterday I thought most of the people I love lived by that rule too.

However i was wrong!!! and that hit me hard.Here is the guy who loved me for all his life and told me a hundred times that he is always there for me.Well it seems his being there has a lot of additions to it.Like one for example is the bit about judging. He tells me I like you,your are welcome to be with me. However,I will get suspicious of you, cause of the relationships you had in the past.Which translates to "if you get friendly with a man,I will think u are sleeping with him or doing something naughty".

My heart broke,this is from a man who tells me that no one should judge people by the past.Wonder what is this all about.Is this a revenge tactic or is it just that words are easier said than actions?

I was there thinking for a bit " shit I deserve this".But then hey wait, I do not.I must have had my reasons to do what I did or behave the way I did.Just cause I did it once, you are no one to JUDGE me.

*point being every one in this world has reasons for what they do,some do not. Like they just do it for the heck of it. However, they are own individuals and they can live life in whichever way it pleases them.Don't be a cynic,ask them why they did it.If you ask them they will tell you.When they tell you,you will know,that it is best to know first hand than to imagine and accuse..........

Child Woman!!!!!!!

they come and they go,
they flatter me away.
they ask me no questions,
they give me no words.
who can they be!
they come in every thoughts.

* me wrote this as a child of 7,it makes up for 29 too :)