Why wont he commit??? this is my dilemma for now.I have been seeing John Doe for like more then a year now and the sentence "where do go from here?"is still on hold. From my end I have explained myself clearly to him. He knows what I am looking for and want. I am not asking for him to loose his freedom or his persona. I am asking him to make me a part of it. I realised it is very hard for the male physic to think like women do....
It is like we are stuck in a time capsule for now..I can hear the tapping and the nerves are surely gonna break...
I can jump at the first sign of panic and save myself the heartache of attachment and endless tears,(which I did not cause i Love him) My friends say they will kill him.Yeah right I am the one who is in love and I know him better..So,relax my friends.It is my heart and his heart who are talking.
I can sit there on the turbulent seas of his indecisiveness hanging on for dear life and praying that I don't get tossed overboard before I find his emotional life preserver... but hey... should i bother that is the question "TO be or not to be"
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
Monday, March 5, 2007
Listen..
Now, this is a huge thing. On my end to listen to someone for a while...I was with my boss today.She was going on and on about her life and I wanted to say "hey stop I really do not want to listen to you".I got my own problems.So,please shut up....
Tell me isn't it strange to feel this way.I mean you want other to lend you an ear when you want and you ignore when they want you to?? I am normally not like this ,but generally end up this way. My friends and family think othewise..they say I listen to everyone else except myself..Shash sez the same.Infact he moves between me not payin attention to me giving ear to every ram,sita and geeta.....
So,go figure out and let me know wht is good...lending a decent ear or grabbing one by force......
Tell me isn't it strange to feel this way.I mean you want other to lend you an ear when you want and you ignore when they want you to?? I am normally not like this ,but generally end up this way. My friends and family think othewise..they say I listen to everyone else except myself..Shash sez the same.Infact he moves between me not payin attention to me giving ear to every ram,sita and geeta.....
So,go figure out and let me know wht is good...lending a decent ear or grabbing one by force......
Sunday, March 4, 2007
Stop..dont move
I asked life to stop for me,
It looked at me and laughed aloud.
She said,u must be kiddin love,
I stop for none.
I asked her to try once,
She said I will ,the day time stops......
It looked at me and laughed aloud.
She said,u must be kiddin love,
I stop for none.
I asked her to try once,
She said I will ,the day time stops......
Friday, March 2, 2007
Future???
I am generally not a kind of person who is worried about future.Have been living life for the present and past never effected me in anyways.However,my thoughts have changed and I surprised myself this year.
I want to settle down in life.Yes,people that means I want to get married.Now I have been thinking a lot about it.I had numerous discussions with Friends,family and not to forget the one I am in love with.these have been taken into consideration.
Now,my friends and family think it is high time i get married and get myself a life.Is this all I mean I have a great life I thought?in fact do not get me wrong here.My life is great.My love though had different reasons.He has his right to have his own.He is not ready for marriage and thinks that we should not get married for a reason.
Well after these discussion I thought bout this and decided to wait.Then I questioned and asked wait for what? I mean if I want to get married and feel secure I bloody well have the right to think so.Don't I?
Initially I let myself and my guy give into his thoughts.Not to please him,cause at that point I too felt that I was being pressured by people around me.Then after a while I knew I was missing the part altogether.I am a modern,liberated women.I am a single mother.I brought my son into this world against all odds.SO ,where is the need for security.I already have one my son.But,I need security,i need comfort and I need marriage.I know the guy loves me and I know he will never be away from my heart.But,the thought of a home with my husband and my son fills me with joy.....I really don't know if that thought is wrong.............
I want to settle down in life.Yes,people that means I want to get married.Now I have been thinking a lot about it.I had numerous discussions with Friends,family and not to forget the one I am in love with.these have been taken into consideration.
Now,my friends and family think it is high time i get married and get myself a life.Is this all I mean I have a great life I thought?in fact do not get me wrong here.My life is great.My love though had different reasons.He has his right to have his own.He is not ready for marriage and thinks that we should not get married for a reason.
Well after these discussion I thought bout this and decided to wait.Then I questioned and asked wait for what? I mean if I want to get married and feel secure I bloody well have the right to think so.Don't I?
Initially I let myself and my guy give into his thoughts.Not to please him,cause at that point I too felt that I was being pressured by people around me.Then after a while I knew I was missing the part altogether.I am a modern,liberated women.I am a single mother.I brought my son into this world against all odds.SO ,where is the need for security.I already have one my son.But,I need security,i need comfort and I need marriage.I know the guy loves me and I know he will never be away from my heart.But,the thought of a home with my husband and my son fills me with joy.....I really don't know if that thought is wrong.............
Friday, January 26, 2007
is it??
the question asked is gotta do with many things...
- Is it possible to change the way AP thinks about Polvaram project(thanks to another blogger it is being noticed and hope we get an answer from govt)
- It possible for me to study at brooks next year?
- Will I be able to finance my trip to Aussie this year?
- Will I shake hands with camera and never let go?
- Will I get my son an admission in say a "good School"?
- Will I make a difference in Smile Bank?(a community I started in orkut,but did nothing)
- Is it possible for the News channels to showcase something worthwhile for a change?
- Is it possible for rapes,killings,crimes against humanity to stop for a min?
- Is it possible for me to be so intense in romance?
- Is it ....................................
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Back Home
I was not sure what to say when my love mentioned casually
"you will not miss me much when I am not around" ,All you do is see me sitting on the comp when u go to work"
Even though I did try and make sense while telling him that the sense of him being in town and back at home is all I have. Thanking the past 14 months.......I am thinking do we live in a world of sullen impulses...where a little light of faith hangs out there for you to catch it before it burns out....well if that is the case I surely do hope scrtly for him to stay put here..." Home is where the heart is"
I love the thought and kiss it everyday,that i am going back home to my love.is it just the thought that matters? I guess the presence does to..Looks like I am bound to these emotional possibilities for life and am I loving it? yes, sure do.Will it break my heart when they turn invisible? it sure would..........:(
"you will not miss me much when I am not around" ,All you do is see me sitting on the comp when u go to work"
Even though I did try and make sense while telling him that the sense of him being in town and back at home is all I have. Thanking the past 14 months.......I am thinking do we live in a world of sullen impulses...where a little light of faith hangs out there for you to catch it before it burns out....well if that is the case I surely do hope scrtly for him to stay put here..." Home is where the heart is"
I love the thought and kiss it everyday,that i am going back home to my love.is it just the thought that matters? I guess the presence does to..Looks like I am bound to these emotional possibilities for life and am I loving it? yes, sure do.Will it break my heart when they turn invisible? it sure would..........:(
Saturday, January 13, 2007
South Indian Summer
Summer brings back many childhood holiday memories. Summers meant no school; no home work and nothing to stop us have fun. We kids would wait for one ritual all the year. Pickle making, this was the grand celebration in our south Indian Brahmin family. Grandma was always ready to teach us everything about life through this ritual. Firstly we were bunch of rowdies all around. Every year pickles were supplied to us from her house. Right from avakai, magai and so on. The men of the family were in charge to cut the mangoes in different shapes.oh they come in all shapes blocks for avakai, strips for magai, grate few mangoes for another variety of pickle.
Mangoes, my uncles used to take pride in this cutting and peeling and grating. When you eat mango pickle the juices come mixed with every single piece and the smaller the piece the more masala it absorbs. They cracked jokes, got competitive and concentrated like a sumo wrestler with their weapons a knife and a cloth. They learnt to work as brothers and as a team in doing this. Oh how I miss it these days my very own family made mango pickle.
Women of the family were attired in their madi kattu (sari draped around in the Brahmin style).man they looked beautiful. I know all those who are familiar to these rituals are dying to go back and do them again. Ok aunts, moms grandma had they own duties sketched out and they followed them like an army of ants. When I eat pickle in another house I compare it to my house, each and every household has its own way of making a mango avakai.this formula is in the hands of the women folk of the family. This shows how united they are in sticking to a particular recipe this is passed on to generation from generations.
Then comes the most interesting part of all. Time for kiddies work. Armed with a white cloth and newspaper, we were in charge of cleaning the cut mango pieces. This way we could save the sweets pieces for later siesta time. Mind you though granny had an eye on us all the time. No stealing because if you did you get to miss the best part that is saved for the last. Looking back that was the best team building exercise my family taught us. Working together as a team, learning from seniors and so on.
I want the same to work for my son. He is in the age of ready made pickles. i feel he is missing out on bonding with elders, learning new tricks ,laughing with the huge extended family. Surviving in a team, managing a team. These experiences help us from BEING better personally and professionally. I love and yearn for my pickled summers.
Mangoes, my uncles used to take pride in this cutting and peeling and grating. When you eat mango pickle the juices come mixed with every single piece and the smaller the piece the more masala it absorbs. They cracked jokes, got competitive and concentrated like a sumo wrestler with their weapons a knife and a cloth. They learnt to work as brothers and as a team in doing this. Oh how I miss it these days my very own family made mango pickle.
Women of the family were attired in their madi kattu (sari draped around in the Brahmin style).man they looked beautiful. I know all those who are familiar to these rituals are dying to go back and do them again. Ok aunts, moms grandma had they own duties sketched out and they followed them like an army of ants. When I eat pickle in another house I compare it to my house, each and every household has its own way of making a mango avakai.this formula is in the hands of the women folk of the family. This shows how united they are in sticking to a particular recipe this is passed on to generation from generations.
Then comes the most interesting part of all. Time for kiddies work. Armed with a white cloth and newspaper, we were in charge of cleaning the cut mango pieces. This way we could save the sweets pieces for later siesta time. Mind you though granny had an eye on us all the time. No stealing because if you did you get to miss the best part that is saved for the last. Looking back that was the best team building exercise my family taught us. Working together as a team, learning from seniors and so on.
I want the same to work for my son. He is in the age of ready made pickles. i feel he is missing out on bonding with elders, learning new tricks ,laughing with the huge extended family. Surviving in a team, managing a team. These experiences help us from BEING better personally and professionally. I love and yearn for my pickled summers.
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